Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Depression Kills


  Depression Kills

As she began to walk, she could feel her heart beating faster and faster. She didn't want to look over the flipped car. She was afraid of what she was going to see. She couldn't deal with it--
not right now. As she peered over the car her eyes began to fill with tears. She dropped to the ground, and held her mother. She tried to dial 911, but her vision became blurry, she could hardly see.
When the ambulance got there they put her on a stretcher and rushed her to the hospital, I tried to ride with her but they wouldn't let me. When I got to the hospital they took her back and wouldn't let me come. All I remember before it all went black was a doctor in front of my face saying something that I can't remember.
                     1 year before
It was a cold day in Toronto,and I was on my way to work, just like any other day. I ran into traffic on my way there. As I approached the building I could see someone standing by it holding flowers. As I got closer I could see that it was Bryan ( my boyfriend who had been deployed). I ran up and hugged him as tight as I could. My eyes filled with tears as I looked up at him.
“You didn't tell me you were coming home,” I said.
“Of course not, I wanted it to be a surprise,”he said.
“How was your flight home?” I said
“It was long, but I slept through most of it,” he said
“Well, im glad you’re home and safe,” I said
I left Bryan and I headed to work and when I got home I called my mom to start planning Bryan’s  coming home party and she agreed to meet at my house to discuss it. When she got there she gave Bryan a big hug. We wanted this party to be a surprise, so we told Bryan to go get us some lunch, so he did.
My mom and I were talking when all of a sudden the phone rang. I picked it up, and dropped the phone, it was so hard for me to talk. My mom rushed in the room and picked up the phone. When she hung up she just stood there in shock, because there were no words that she or anyone could say to make this better. It all crumbled right befor me.
Bryan was in a car accident, and put in a coma. He died a week later. The funeral was held a week after that. I made a speech at the funeral and in the middle of speaking I broke down, I couldn't speak. Finally I pulled it together to finish the speech. When it was over we all proceeded to the cemetery. Bryan’s grave stone was put next to many other soldiers who had died. The guards shot their guns, and then they handed me his uniform, and a flag was in a flag case. After the funeral we had a little brunch and went home. Not having Bryan here was one thing, but knowing that I would never see his face or hear his voice again was gut wrenching.
A couple days later I was going through his stuff and found a ring box in the bottom of his sock drawer. Next to it was a note that read,
Dear Jillian,
I am so glad to be back with you, now that you are here I feel that this is the right time. Ever since we met on that cold December day in Toronto...
The letter ended, thats all he got to write. I dropped the note and opened the box, It was indeed a ring. It was beautiful. I put it on and kept digging through all the stuff and in that moment I knew it was not meant to be.
                                                 1 week later
It was a normal day, and I was on my way to the mall when I got a call, I immediately dropped my bags and ran to my car. I was so scared and afraid of what I was going to see when I got there. When I arrived to the scene to to see my moms car flipped over, glass was all over the ground and her car was in the ditch.
They rushed her to the hospital, and told me that she was in very critical condition. I stayed with her for a couple of days and went home. She had a broken ribcage, but they thought there was something else in her chest area that they couldn't quite point out so they did a full body cat scan. After they did that they found lung cancer. Stage 4, incurable. I couldn't believe it, I didn't cry because I was in so much shock.
About a week later she passed away. Everything I had was gone, I had no one. I thought that losing Bryan was hard but losing my mom was almost unbearable. We held her funeral and it was so amazing to look back on her life and all the memories we had together. I shed a few tears, but they were happy this time.
                                                2 years later

I honestly think that losing them was a good thing and it made me stronger (not really) and still to this day think about them, I mean, I will always think about them. Since then I have had a really hard time with life and am now suffering bad depression and have started doing drugs. About a year ago I died, now how that happened, well thats for you to figure out.

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